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And if you do find a bi girl who isn't into exclusive relationships, it's still a really shit chat-up line and will immediately lessen your chances of most women continuing the conversation, let alone open any doors to hot group-sex action. If only you could see our faces when we open the fifth threesome message of the day… Equally, they're no more likely to jump at your suggestion of having an open relationship or to giggle and comply when you tell them to snog their mate in a club for a laugh. Being bi usually means having the capacity to both love and feel sexual desire for more than one gender. Yup, we can live quite happily without male penetration. We can share those painful youthful memories of cringey bra-hook moments (seriously, it still takes practice, even if you know how to do it on yourself). You wouldn't keep asking a straight girl if she was "sure" she was straight, so don't keep asking us to reassess our sexuality. People don't question a frantically masturbating virgin teenage boy when he says he likes those girls on the internet, so why question adult "virgin" bisexuals? "Oh, so you might as well say you're straight, then? Tending towards one gender in general doesn't in any way dilute our attraction to anyone else we like or have liked. We're often open-minded about gender in other ways. Unsurprisingly, given how far society still has to go, a lot of us are quite into our activism and the fight for bi visibility.

Bi women are no more likely to cheat on you than anyone else. And one of the most offensive things you can do is to suggest that we're free to get it on with other women because "it doesn't count as cheating" and other women aren't a "threat". How sexist is it to suggest that only sex with a man counts as "real" sex?! It may well have taken us some guts to tell you that, too, because society still seems to be having trouble getting its head round bisexuality. Having a preference for one gender still means we're bi.

We weren't just waiting for you to come along and help us make up our minds. Please don't go down the pub and tell your mates you've "turned" a lesbian. As a bi woman, being in a same-sex couple doesn't make us a lesbian, any more than being in an opposite-sex couple makes us straight.

We're not going to be defined by our relationship with you.

The bigger the differences, the more potential problems. I have put together some suggestions for cis women on thinking through some basic trans issues, including ideas on approaching trans women in a romantic or intimate context.

Last modified 31-Dec-2016 13:49